Circling Around

January 26, 2011 at 6:16 pm · Filed under Personal Transitions and tagged: alternate timelines, alternate universe, dream realities, energy, esoteric, integrating alternate realities, perspective, physical reality, timelines, under attack

So I’ve been having this series of dreams for many months now, ones in which my husband returns after long periods of being AWOL, or ones in which I’m in the midst of one of these periods where he is gone, when I’m truly feeling the loss. There were times when he taunted me with his disdain, and other times when he took for granted that it would be okay with me to simply “return” as if he’d never been away. Anger, hurt and deep loss have been prominent emotions for me during this series. I have come to see these dreams as tapping into alternate aspects of myself and my husband that I am integrating into my consciousness–painful though they are. Several nights ago things went a step further.

This time I knew my husband had a one night stand or brief fling with a younger woman, although I also knew that this was not someone he cared about. I was livid! I reacted violently towards him, scratching, beating, clawing at him…whatever I could do. Then, this girl showed up–with pictures! I grabbed them and looked at them (calmly, oddly enough) and wouldn’t let my husband see them. I ripped them up, then ripped into the girl.

As I was taking my scorn out on each of them I seemed to get a visual in front of me as to how I was injuring each on an energetic basis. It wasn’t really about physical injury. Neither fought back. Neither protested.

FURY!

Upon waking I reflected for quite sometime on this “newest” alternate reality. It wasn’t until hours later that I was struck by the lingering “difference” that I was aware of in these dreams. In each of them my husband was at least 20 years younger, and far more cavalier towards me. What’s more I suddenly “knew” that in these dreams, I was his FIRST wife, whereas now, I am his second wife.

And yes, I must confess that I was with him before his marriage completely dissolved, and that I witnessed him treat his first wife in a way that I often times felt was insensitive, even hurtful (although nothing as blatant as I experienced in my dream).

So here I am, witnessing and participating in the same dynamic, taking on the other role and venting my wrath. And I am led to wonder if the physical issues that I went through 11 years ago, and that my husband struggled with for the last two are a result of this coming full circle, reaping the (self-inflicted) energetic and physical injuries that I inflicted on this “other woman.” No judgment about it, but it certainly gives me pause…

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