Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Archive for January, 2011

Circling Around

So I’ve been having this series of dreams for many months now, ones in which my husband returns after long periods of being AWOL, or ones in which I’m in the midst of one of these periods where he is gone, when I’m truly feeling the loss. There were times when he taunted me with his disdain, and other times when he took for granted that it would be okay with me to simply “return” as if he’d never been away. Anger, hurt and deep loss have been prominent emotions for me during this series. I have come to see these dreams as tapping into alternate aspects of myself and my husband that I am integrating into my consciousness–painful though they are. Several nights ago things went a step further.

This time I knew my husband had a one night stand or brief fling with a younger woman, although I also knew that this was not someone he cared about. I was livid! I reacted violently towards him, scratching, beating, clawing at him…whatever I could do. Then, this girl showed up–with pictures! I grabbed them and looked at them (calmly, oddly enough) and wouldn’t let my husband see them. I ripped them up, then ripped into the girl.

As I was taking my scorn out on each of them I seemed to get a visual in front of me as to how I was injuring each on an energetic basis. It wasn’t really about physical injury. Neither fought back. Neither protested.

FURY!

Upon waking I reflected for quite sometime on this “newest” alternate reality. It wasn’t until hours later that I was struck by the lingering “difference” that I was aware of in these dreams. In each of them my husband was at least 20 years younger, and far more cavalier towards me. What’s more I suddenly “knew” that in these dreams, I was his FIRST wife, whereas now, I am his second wife.

And yes, I must confess that I was with him before his marriage completely dissolved, and that I witnessed him treat his first wife in a way that I often times felt was insensitive, even hurtful (although nothing as blatant as I experienced in my dream).

So here I am, witnessing and participating in the same dynamic, taking on the other role and venting my wrath. And I am led to wonder if the physical issues that I went through 11 years ago, and that my husband struggled with for the last two are a result of this coming full circle, reaping the (self-inflicted) energetic and physical injuries that I inflicted on this “other woman.” No judgment about it, but it certainly gives me pause…

Have You Been Told…?

May you be as nourished and nurtured by this as I have been…

 

I’m still me…

For anyone who has ever faced a life-threatening diagnosis, or worse still prognosis, you probably have stood in a place of knowing, “I’m still me.” I know I did. Ovarian Cancer 11 years ago, no hair, no uterus… but  “I am still me.”  And for those of you who haven’t, I hope you find an easier way of gaining this perspective, this gift.

My friend and fellow blogger TAS is sharing her gift of perspective, in a beautiful, and all too comprehensible post:  I’m still me….

Time for a little cheer…..

I want to share this wonderful post on a much enjoyed blog… Thanks again, Slo!

Time for a little cheer…...

Inception: Time to Wake Up 1.11.11

Wow!! Brilliant, complex…and completely clear! This trailer does not do this film justice! For anyone who has consciously worked with their dreams, an amazing display that the world is ready to “awaken…”

Perfect timing for spreading the “wake up” call! [For some reason I can’t embed this so clicking below will take you to YouTube.

Remember to come back and tell me what you think–

AFTER you’ve seen the movie!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=66TuSJo4dZM

 

Layers within layers, my friends.

 

 

Night Shifts

Heart openings by day, major shifts by night.

Major shifts have been happening in my “dream-life.”  Last night, for instance, I dreamt that my work place and my home were all in the same place, like living on a college campus. I was in a beautiful park-like setting enjoying the surroundings, knowing that there was some work I needed to do, yet there was no immediate pressure to do so, because I could opt to do it on my time. Work was not separate from life, it was a part of life. It felt wonderful and integrated.

Peace of Mind, Freedom to Roam...Following My Own Path

I was on my own, exploring my surroundings, in what felt like another country, when I came across a bar or a church (hard to tell which :D). Beautiful music was coming from within, inviting me to enter. Because my time was my own, I decided to explore and enjoy the moment, the music and the musicians. When the music ended the atmosphere changed and someone shone a spotlight on things happening on the ancient walls: leaves growing, insects landing, lights flickering, and a small frog.

Then I felt a sudden creepy feeling moving up my spine, and I knew it was a frog…a big one! I reached behind me and pulled it up and out. No sooner did I do so then again, another large frog was leaping up my spine. Again I pulled it out. I quickly pulled my shirt close around my neck, thinking this would prevent anything else from getting into my clothing.

I woke up, with full recall, and recognition that the experience of the frogs were more symbolic of taking leaps upward/forward and rising kundalini energies. What’s more, on reflection of this dream and its setting, I recalled another powerful “dream-experience” from the night before.

In that dream I received some kind of notice to go to the student center as something was “overdue.”  An ancient but simple “center” was there with two attendants and I explained that for several years I have been striving to find my schedule. I have attended classes I thought I had, but despite my attempts to get my schedule, I could not access it. I would go to this office, they’d send me to another, I wouldn’t be able to find the office, going in circles… I simply could not access my student schedule. And now here it was, covered in dust and dirt, which I was able to easily wipe off. I made it clear that whatever was “overdue” was not for lack of trying on my part, and I wanted to know exactly where to go if I needed to retrieve this again.

I don’t recall getting an answer, but what was astounding to me is that I had no recall of this until after wandering around these gardens, feeling its peace and freedom, and experiencing the “leaps” in increasing vibrational frequencies. After several years of “trying” to attend classes on a regular basis, searching and not having my curriculum, I was called by and found the right office, and handed my schedule! Major, major shift!

And here, the very next night, I am in this amazing University-type setting, bright sunshine, gorgeous gardens, knowing my life and my work are one, and that my time is my own.

It’s amazing when a recurring dream scenerio suddenly shifts completely. It is the clearest indicator I know that major transitions are occurring.

Today, after my double frog leapings, life and work integration (night shifts,) I got to work, where my boss is out of commission for the foreseeable future and was told by two people that I was in charge now (day shifts). I have no trouble making decisions–I’ve been in charge before in other jobs. I know that it will be a collaboration and that my boss will be back in the saddle, even from home just as soon as she’s able, but I feel somehow more empowered–effortlessly so, simply from the trust that is being placed in me. And I know that all that I’ve been experiencing, by day and by night, it is all one and the same.

A Heavy Heart

Lately I have been experiencing what I can only call, “heart openings.”  In my work I come across peoples’ stories everyday. I don’t believe I’ve become hardened to them, because for years now I know that everyone’s story is their own, and we all have them. I have mine, you have yours, and we all deal with them. Some do so better than others. Some are just seeking sympathy. Does that mean I have a hardened heart, or that I recognize that we all have stuff that we need to deal with, some things were avoidable, some learn from mistakes, others don’t… see where I’m going with this?

Anyway, on Christmas Eve my husband and I were driving back from my parents house and we encountered an accident that just occurred on one of the country roads leading to the parkway. There were 2 or 3 cars pulled over to the side of the road. As I passed I saw a deer on the ground, lying there with her head up and turned over her shoulder, stunned…and alone. I felt so bad. All these people standing around on their phones, and this deer was hurt, and she was all alone. No one at her side. My heart still breaks as I think of it. I cried much of the way home. I sent her blessings and love. I felt when she was put down, my heart broke…

Oh, Deer...

Wednesday, I experienced the overwhelming pain of hundreds, perhaps thousands of people’s fear and anxiety of undergo diagnostic testing. The e-motions flowed through me, and my heart broke…

Today, with much focus on the coming snow, I got to work only to find out my boss slipped on black ice at a meeting last night, broke her leg in three places and dislocated her ankle! She will need surgery, and we can only anticipate a slow and painful recovery. All of us are in shock. My heart is breaking…

Since Christmas, my heart has been breaking…open. Each time I feel that while my heart is heavy, the heaviness comes from the love I feel–the pain I feel as the Love flows, even though the flow is ignited by sadness. I think of these things and the tears flow easily and my heart gets heavy with Love all over again.

Deer-est

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