Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Burned By the Future

For as long as I can remember I have projected much of my focus into the future. As I grew spiritually I moved from simply fantasizing about it, to using much discussed tools to create the reality I wanted, draw the future in, envisioning, preparing and so forth. All the while I struggled to balance this with living in the now. Yeah, I know… mega contradiction.

There was a time when I had a fair amount of attention on the past, getting stuck on old creations, but I managed to release that years ago. The future though still claimed me, that’s is until about one month ago. I managed to create the ideal future reality that was such a perfect reflection of “me” that it was tailor made. All the pieces were in place, ready to manifest in the now, but for those annoying little details that keep that-there from showing up in this-now.

There were signs all along that at the very least, this (as in ‘now’) is not the time for that particular reality to be. Then last month I was forced to face the facts that these realities were not going to intersect, not in this-now. The hammer fell, once, twice, and then again, that the “reality” of this-here and this-now was going to prevail. This was a very, very hard pill to swallow, as this future-now felt perfect-for-me (at least according to my ego-self). The final blow came the night before my birthday with devastating finality. The result for me was less depressing and more numbing–now what? [Interesting phrase, “NOW what?”] Exactly!

Since then I have been left floating in NOW what. Whenever any residual pull to projecting ahead tempts me, I feel the sting of rejection, for lack of a better word, so very profoundly, that I pull back out of sheer self-preservation–forced by my recent pain reflexes to back away from any attempts to project into a future — self-created or not. So the NOW has won — perhaps by default, perhaps through the wisdom of my Celestial Self whom I consciously chose to fully embody and put in charge of ‘my’ life just before the hammer banged my ideal future into the ground. (I realize I’m really mixing my metaphors here, but just go with it 😉 )

I am comforted by the knowing that living in the NOW is truly the only way to LIVE — it’s just new for me, to feel cut off from that which has been my steady diet — a diet of creating, envisioning, and living in my head…

SIGH… For NOW, that is over.

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2 Comments»

  Pure One wrote @

I hear you, especially on the living in your head thing.

I don’t know that I’m struggling with it though and I find myself doing both – being present and yet holding future manifestations in my mind.

Now, I must say, I have been privileged to have my higher self let me in on what is coming for me. I was told several key things months ago. If there are any changes to that due to changes in the now and having to deal with a very dynamic world, then I’ve been told. But, quite frankly, there have not been many significant changes. The $64 million question though is always – When? Like the Biblical prophesy – “You’ll know not the day or the hour.” Even the Divine can’t answer that question of when.

And… like anyone who knows Tarot could tell you, what you can be given any future info on is based on current energies, direction and inertia. But if we or the world around us changes then we have to make a course adjustment. Sometimes that means just adjusting for wind changes and yet it’s still the same goal. In other cases the actual goal changes.

Now, I feel privileged to not only have been given a sneak peek of the future, but to also be drawn right back to where I am and to be just as privileged to be shown the next step, which just might be as simple as – just sit here and enjoy yourself. I have taken some slow strolls (about all I can handle after sheer non-movement for over a year) in parks lately and catch myself just beaming. I have perma-grin.

I understand what you are saying though and am seeing many people talk about such things. Much talk of control, if we actually have any or if it’s an illusion. Even though astrology and other archetypal energies will soon lose their usefulness to us, we can still have their lessons under our belts. My Saturn is in Pisces which means fighting and surrendering at the same time. It also means that in order to have something you must first let it go. I feel that we have had to let go of any attempts to control or plan. We surrender to the Divine plan… so that later we can plan whatever we’d like.

This ascension process I have likened to checking oneself into rehab. You make a free-will choice to do so initially and yet, after you’re in, then your choices are limited and you can’t check out until you’ve done what you came in to do. When you accomplish your goal, you’re free to go again, but in a much improved state of being.

The thing is – that “higher purpose” or “first priority” choice of ascension trumps everything else. It’s the “Seek ye first…” part and we won’t see the “… and all else…” part until we’ve actually gotten to the Kingdom of Heaven. Like my ex-mother in law always says, “One thing at a time, first things first.” Then we can bring Heaven to Earth anytime we’d like through our very conscious, even instant, creation. Is that “being in control” then? Maybe. We may not care to use such terms and such terms may not really be accurate.

So, first we surrender to the ascension process, which demands we let go and be present. We’ll eventually get to be “in control” / consciously create what we desire.

I’ve often said that accepting what is is the first step to changing it. I am at peace with right here, right now, the present circumstances and that makes me feel even more connected to what is coming. I have found that I can hold the future in my “background intent” while I am very much present. And it’s that being present that is drawing the future to me. And even though my present situation is not ideal, I find that I can be where I am, visualize where I’d like to be and can feel a connection between the two. Like with each passing day I’m feeling that ideal future getting closer. It’s easier and easier to visualize it, even though it’s different in many ways to what is right in front of me presently. I can’t see the train but I can put my ear on the track and know that it is coming. The track in front of me is my present. It connects to the track down the way that represents my future. That ideal future we’ve all been dreaming of is getting very close now. I can almost touch it.

I see more and more of what here and now has in common with what I’d like to manifest, rather than seeing what’s the difference, that used to really stick out in stark contrast a few months ago. Now, it just seems easier to ignore what I don’t want and instead see the parts that are both here now and will also be in the ideal future. An example – I’m in very noisy, very urbanly-dense environs now. And yet, I can step outside, smell the air, feel the sun and breeze, hear the birds. In my ideal future, in a home where I have a good-sized yard, close to nature, in less hustle bustle, with more peace and quiet, I will still have the fresh air, sunshine and birds. So I focus on those things.

  SHAMBALLA9944 wrote @

I understand. I too focus on the aspects of what I want that do exist in some form in the now. And I know what I desire. I just don’t allow myself to be overtaken by it “now.”

I’m feeling that I need some green lights to help guide me as to when to act, instead of acting and running straight into the stop signs over and over. 😉


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