Physical Recoil Transfigured

July 30, 2010 at 8:22 pm · Filed under Gifts, Personal Transitions and tagged: death, esoteric, exquisite transition, exquisite transitions, gift, perception, perspective, physical reality, physical recoil, wisdom

The sight of a dead animal by the side of the road, a wrecked car, even an uprooted tree is likely to cause a gut wrenching recoil for most people. In all likelihood, most of us instantly start imagining what happened, or what might have happened, that it could have been us or a loved one. We may well feel profound sadness or intense outrage. These seem particularly prevalent when the death (or injury) is a violent one. This is what I encountered recently when I repeatedly came upon a series of dead birds. As I wrote in my previous posting, Messages of Exquisite Transition, I came to recognize that they messages were truly divine ones, that I may well have completely missed due to an inbred reaction to death.

Once I recognized that something was happening on an exceptionally deep level, I made an instant connection with profound inner work that I had done some ten years ago. Late in 1999 I was unexpectedly diagnosed, on the operating table, with ovarian cancer. I awakened to learn that the doctors had found cancer and I was given a complete hysterectomy. I was able to process the physical healing from the surgery, the side effects of chemotherapy, and the mental healing from this news and all its ramifications in the weeks and months that followed this development.

What was most difficult for me to integrate was the absolute finality of the reality that I would never be a mother. I tried desperately to pursue adoption, however ultimately my husband confessed that even under these circumstances he could not in good conscience adopted when he felt that he would never be able to feel 100% that an adopted child was his. When I finally accepted this, I was left with the gut wrenching realization that despite a lifelong assumption that I would certainly be a mother, it was not to be.

I tried everything I knew to resolve this loss. I would peel away a layer here, and another there, yet the feeling ran exceptionally deep. Ultimately I was able to identify with the part of myself, the part of all of us, that at a species level, installed this drive, this instinct if you will, into our cells, within our very DNA, in order to insure the perpetuation of human kind. Whoa. That was huge! And it took doing that, in order to release the grip of that cellular programming to vastly reduce this instinctive desire.

So here I am once again, faced with the recognition of an instinctive reaction–this time, to death. Only this time the work was minimal. As I recognized it was the same dynamic, it was nearly instantaneous for me to release this stranglehold of cellular programming. Given I already have the spiritual knowing that death is not something to be feared, but to be embraced as a transition into another form, I merely needed to own that the recoil response to death was chosen by us–as a species in formation–at a time when we needed to preserve an instinctive drive to preserve life at all cost.

And the universe was prepared to test my release of this recoil reaction immediately. As I did my morning walk I was repeatedly guided to take different paths from my usual routine. As I neared the end of my walk I was led directly to a dead bird lying in the middle of the sidewalk, on this “new path” home. This time I walked up and smiled. I blessed the bird, I thanked the universe for this Exquisite Transition showing me divine blessings in all its forms, and I walked the rest of the way home.

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