Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Archive for January, 2010


If you spend any time reading this blog, you will hear me speak of “gifts” rather often. Some might say I look for the silver lining in any situation, however I believe it goes well beyond that notion.

After years of reflection upon life, observing my own and others, I truly believe that there are gifts in every situation, you have but to recognize and receive them. Despite my ability to recognize gifts with ease, I am truly amazed at the Universal Gift I slipped into nearly 9 months ago.

I say Universal because everyone involved is giving and receiving gifts, small and large. This is the gift of Connect to Care–the place where I am blessed to work.

This program was born to meet the needs of the local community that have been profoundly affected by the current economic downturn. When we began no one knew whether people would actually show up. Thinking about that concern now makes me laugh out loud and shake my head! They have and continue to show up at an ever-increasing rate.

And its no surprise that they do. People who come are met with warmth and support, receive a variety of services, all of which are designed to help and support their needs and fears. What people experience is an atmosphere which is professional and caring–nurturing and grounding.

Often times we hear within an hour of a new clients being there how wonderful it is to have a place like this to come to, how relaxing the atmosphere is, the caliber of people they meet (they are referring to other clients, as well as staff), and the gushing goes on and on. I share this only to give context to this Gift, not to applaud myself, the rest of our small staff or the organizations which sponsor and support the program.

It is VERY clear there are tremendous gifts to clients–we hear about them on a daily basis, receive written testimonials, and of course, we all celebrate when someone has landed a job, avoided eviction and the like.

Yet what no one anticipated are the priceless gifts that staff and volunteers are receiving. Within a few months of opening our doors we had a staff meeting which included a few agency executives and a board member. It turned into a love fest!! What began as giving feedback about this new program naturally evolved into an open expression of gratitude for what we were receiving as a result of working there. What’s more each of us had come to recognize that in some way, this program was challenging us to overcome personal limitations in a big way.

Now several months further down the line, each of us is moving well beyond those limitations and experiencing personal transformations that are most certainly gifts–gifts we’ve received by stepping up to the challenge and facing our own fears and limitations.

Volunteers are getting to bear witness and participate in the synchronicity and synergy that happens when people come together in support of one another, and they are inspired to do even more. Is it any wonder that this gift that keeps on giving is growing?

It feels to me that because of all the miracles that have happened, more are happening and with increasing frequency (dare I pun, because of the increasing vibrational frequency). It’s a growing thing!

..there is magic happening here…


Yesterday I commented on my boss’ beautiful scarf. It seems she made it from a very special knobby yarn, in large stripes of colors which are both muted and vibrant at the same time. She jumped at the chance to give it to someone who admired it, as she had originally made it for someone else. I was very touched.

Before I left for the day I went to the ladies room to look at myself in the mirror with the scarf on. Oh my! It took my breath away. And the first thought which came to mind was “I’ve earned my stripes!” Many years ago I had read that during this time of transition into the 7th Golden Age lightworkers will earn their stripes, which becomes part of their aura, telling all they encounter that they were part of this grand experiment on Earth.

I believe we are all earning our stripes here, and now I can begin to see my own. 🙂 Thank you, Anita!


Perceptions of Energy

It’s fascinating to me how perception is so completely subjective, even when there is objective truth that can suggest something very different. The last two weeks are a perfect example.

Since the last few weeks of 2009 things at work have become even busier than they were. Stress levels and activity were nonstop. This was especially true for the 2nd and 3rd week of January. And despite having Monday off for MLK day, last week was crazy busy.

This week was surprisingly, delightfully a calmer more relaxed week where I could get caught up and had some free time to actually have some conversations with a few clients without the familiar pull to get back to putting out this fire or that. This shift was felt and enjoyed by all.

And yet, the numbers tell a different story. We had more clients than the previous week, including more new clients, and we worked more days. Yet the week flew by, unlike the week(s) before, including the holiday week. There was something in the air that had a calmer energy to it. Things were far more manageable than they had been in the previous 5-6 weeks.

Often perception is very individualized, and yet at times like this, everyone picks up on the shift, despite the objective numbers which tell a different story. Must be something else going on here…a shift in energy.

One week later…

I find it interesting that a week after having experienced that ‘other reality’ car accident, I had a minor one in this reality. While I experienced that one as being hit from behind and pushed into a car in the lane next to me, this one did not involve another car, but an icy road and a guard rail.

I guess you could say it was “half” the experience of the other dimension, as in this reality only my front right side was involved.

Thankfully it’s more of an irritant and an expense than anything else, but it still strikes me as interesting that I had this very vivid experience of some parallel reality, follow a week later by something rather similar.

Beyond the Void

Some transitions seem to take the familiar pattern of 2 or 3 steps forward, 1 step back, until you have arrived at a new way of being. It seems to me this is true when the transition is of a new behavior or attitude.

Other transitions seem to be so immense in their scope where there truly is no possibility of stepping back, that people struggle so much more. Perhaps because they are attempting to adapt this familiar pattern, not recognizing that this transition is about leaping into an unknown–the void.

The unknown is daunting. Terrifying even. And many react to this by creating scenarios that attempt to replicate “the past.”  What seems to be different at this time however is that, for many, even the attempts to replicate anything remotely like that past is met with a clear, resounding ‘No’ from the Universe. Not now. Not again. It’s over. The unknown. What now? What next? Terrifying.

Standing at the Edge of the Unknown

I encountered this same irreversible transition 10 years ago, when I woke from what was to have been a relatively simple surgery to a total hysterectomy. While dealing with a cancer diagnosis was difficult and scary, what took much longer to work through was the thought that I would never have children.

I guess for me the looking back was really a looking forward. I had always assumed that a family with children would be part of my life. That I would be a mother. I planned it. I expected it. I saw it… And now, that expectation, that view of myself was irreversibly shutdown.

I tried to resurrect the vision by pressing my husband to adopt.  I had known from early on in our relationship that he did not feel capable of adopting. I couldn’t understand this, struggled with it, but I ultimately had to accept his choice. And my loss.

When I finally accepted that this door was locked shut, never to be opened again, all those questions had to be felt…and the answers, were very slow in coming. There’s no script. The script is void. The script was written about a past which is behind and done.

So much of what people face these days are just such complete and final transitions. This is what is making it so very difficult. We tend to think of a ‘final transition’ as death (which in and of itself is debatable, but that’s another post for another time).

I suspect that is what makes the transitions pervasive today so very difficult. Too often people do not recognize the death of a piece of themselves, of their life. They do, and they don’t. They feel the immense loss, but they cannot equate it fully to death. This is why they keep trying to breathe life back into a corpse.

To get beyond the void you must face it. And before you can face the void, you must accept the death of the past, fully and completely, and experience all emotions that go with it.

Only then can you honor the past and all it brought you, the gift that it was, and begin to move forward into the void, to see what lies beyond it.

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life

Facing the Bully

By both example and predisposition I have typically avoided confrontation. In fact, when I was a teen and I  started to stand up for myself, I was actually discouraged from doing so by my mother “for the sake of harmony,” and told to apologize when a family member spoke inappropriately to me. (She has since apologized to me for insisting I do so.)

For a number of years now I have had the opportunity in small ways to stand up for myself, and interestingly there are still people in my world who are more interested in “how it looks,” or “whether its important enough.”

Again, I accepted a paradigm that ‘walking away’ was the higher form of handling these situations. And I suspect that idea is still true, however, I sense that like learning to accept and express anger (another transition I have made), first one must bring something which has been out of balance, into balance.

Standing Out

Standing Out

So today I had a more vivid experience of facing the bully. I apparently made a serious miscalculation at the deli counter at our local supermarket by failing to take a number. There were two people behind the counter and only one customer on line–I didn’t see a need to take a number. Well apparently the lady who came up behind me several minutes later, while I was still waiting to be served, didn’t see it that way.

When her number was called and she was going to begin ordering, I made it clear that I was next and had been waiting, despite not taking a number. She somehow bought into the idea that having the next number trumped actually being there first.  She responded by cursing me out and calling me a Bxxxxx.

Not having much experience in dealing with such individuals (thankfully), I was taken aback, but energized from an internal source to stand up for myself. And despite subsequent thoughts and names that have flowed from my brain in reaction to her attacks, I was able to maintain a civil level, while not backing down.

When she told me to shut my mouth–I take it she was not used to people standing up for themselves and would just cower at being called names–I said I would open my mouth as much as I wanted. (Childish sounding, I know…but that’s how it came out.)

The point was, I would not be silenced by this bully. And somewhere from within there was an Editor at work that filtered all the nasty things I might have said,  but didn’t, and kept the tone level, enabling me to be Me without reacting to this bully by turning into her. I am very grateful to that Editor. Interestingly though, when I was out of the moment, the Editor disappeared and the thoughts started flowing. I guess that’s one way of working it out LOL.

Being a person who reflects on my own actions and words I have questioned my engaging in this encounter and how and what was said. While I believe the day will come when I can choose to turn my back and not engage a person like this, it seems very clear to me that for now, it is imperative that I find my voice–correction, that I use my voice–to stand up for myself.

I say use my voice because in dream state I have done this in very much the same way repeatedly over the past number of years. Just as today, it came from a part of me that was strong, centered and not given to lowering myself to the level of the consciousness I was encountering.

Until today, I have not had the opportunity to use my voice, my physical body, my waking mind, to engage in this way. So while it wasn’t exactly pleasant, I feel that it was a healthy and necessary step to transition from acquiescing and appeasing to refusing to diminish myself so someone else can feel better about them self.

I look forward to the day when my knowing is so secure that I can choose to walk away and let the bullies play their games by themselves.

Waking Life…Dreams for free

Floating through the blogosphere I was directed to this wonderfully fascinating film which I just finished watching.

There’s a lot to take in here. Take the time and you are sure to be triggered many times with thoughts to ponder.

For me, this time one of the lasting references is from Lorca: “As one realizes that one is a dream figure in another persons dream, that is self awareness.”

I’m sure it will impact my dreams ;), maybe yours too.

Jumping around…

So Friday morning I woke up feeling very “out of time.” In fact, I was so disconnected from time that I would read the time on my clock and I couldn’t quite relate. I did not feel like I had enough time to get ready for work if I did my workout, even though it was the same time I get up every morning and always have just enough of time.

I chose not to workout, which turn out to be a good thing as I could not get moving. It seems that I was moving in super slow motion. This lasted for several hours. There was also a sense of general disorientation–like I was just a tad out of phase with the world around me.

I contemplated this on my drive to work (being extra careful given how I was feeling, and my experience on the way home the night before  😉 .) As I sit here for the life of me I can’t recall what my dreams were about before waking, but I do remember there was something about being late for “something.” Of course this is not an unusual dream, but it seems that I woke up in this exact state.

I reflected on the other dreams I’d been having, namely, visiting alternate realities of a seemingly lower vibration, and the fender bender I “felt” the night before. It got me to wondering what it would be like to visit alternate realities of a higher vibration, or to experience a higher vibrational version of me slip into my life.

That’s when it struck me, that if I had “jumped” into such a lower vibrational reality during dream state, perhaps remaining even into the waking state, wouldn’t things seem very dense, very slow? Wouldn’t I feel sluggish? Something about this thought really resonated.

It also got me wondering as to whether dream state is about integrating lower frequencies, and waking state is the opportunity to integrate higher frequencies. With that I consciously gave my permission to higher vibrational frequencies of my own consciousness to integrate within my life.

So we shall see…

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