So much has happened in 2011 and 2012 which have occupied every waking, and many sleeping moments. Rather than my silence here being a reflection of little or no transition occurring, the truth is that it has been so great as to leave my head spinning, my mind and body tired, and my emotional self spent. As complex changes, that have been driven seemingly from outside forces, have been non-stop since last May, I rarely had the time to reflect on their lessons and nature in writing—let alone the “exquisite gift” it held. There are numerous drafts of posts I’ve started and abandoned on Word Press to prove it :)
I began this post by attempting to share the most recent gift, and yet more than two weeks have passed before getting back to it. In the meanwhile, the post has morphed.
I have come to the conclusion that due to the extreme acceleration of time and the compressed nature of experience, the “time” for sharing these insights has passed. Perhaps this blog will morph again, however for now, experiences move so very quickly that there is no nailing it down long enough to reflect and express its nature in this forum. I find that if I’m lucky, I can verbally share an insight with one or two others, before even more profound experiences take their place. These things occur (at least for me) so instantaneously, making room for the next experience, and the next, that any attempt at journaling them is fruitless.
I will leave this blog in place for now, should anyone trip over it and find value or inspiration here. For those who have joined me during the short life of this blog, I thank you and have very much enjoyed reading your contributions also.
Wishing you well on this ever-accelerating journey through life. May you always be mindful of the exquisite nature of every day!
It’s so clear to me now, this road we’ve all witnessed. Another journey we’ve been on together. Did we know when we boarded, at such a necessary time for feeling good again, precisely 9 months after that fateful September day…
I don’t think so…
Looking back at the innocence of contestants, host(s), judges… even the audiences took on a whole different feel over the years. It’s morphed into the scene everyone wants in on… and well beyond. From t-shirt and jeans auditions which ran 4 and 5 weeks into performance shows, to gowns and rhinestones in Hollywood week. From 2 out of ten great singers which could reasonably have won, to 8 out of 10 great singers equally vying for the crown.
And the finales. Yes…
The first finale, a high school production. Innocent, and filled with a gazillion sparks of excitement and anticipation. And the tears…the raw emotion…by Kelly, the judges, the audience…and me. We all adopted Kelly. But my how they’ve changed.
From high school musical to Emmy show knock-offs. From allowing the contestants to sing a few notes along side their Idols, to awkward joint performances, to Idol’s two Idols singing as equals, bringing the past and the future into the present. How awesome.
No more awesome than experiencing the demonstration of singing and performing with experience shining through talent, rather than talent as a blank canvas which has yet to feel of the colors of the song… Side-by-side each highlighting the beauty of the other. Celebrate that which unifies. Celebrate the differences.
Between the poking self-awareness about whose exit is Most Shocking, “Special” Relationship? and the effervescent self-awareness of each participant, is there still more to recognize?? These future Idols slip into character like a hand in a glove, through these finale vignettes. Clearly they bring a new dimension of talent to Idol, ones Justin and Kelly simply lacked.
And what of those Idols of the past, where did they come from, and why does it still light a fire where none has burned in decades? Acceptance, appreciation…the future, those kids, carry an appreciation for that which even their parents may not know. They feel it. They groove it. They LOVE it. And it shows.
And what of the panel? Randy, who has gotten into a rut of creating the phrase of the season, to be played back as a standing joke that played out weeks ago. Or J Lo, the updated, though looking-toward-out-going version of Paula. The singer as Music Video artist that’s more focused on the entire experience than vocals. The rose between the thrones.
And then there’s Steven. From “fun” bleeps and bizarre Taylorisms, he’d give us pieces here and there, with his sound and rock persona. Then a performance, something new… still unknown. Full stop. Here it is, that “really great song!” Is that him?? Never quite piecing it together, or remembering for more than an instant…until the finale. Yes, it’s THAT guy. Clearly I was not cool. I didn’t listen to that. Or know his name. Or remember what Aerosmith sang. So why is it now such a great song?
Then it was not appealing, not to me. Or my husband. Why now then? Without even realizing it we were now being treated to the soundtrack of our lives. Somehow echoing through the fabric of our past, even those vibes we did not consciously seek out, we now fully embrace and revere. [That would explain some of the musical taste of our grandparents and great-grandparents!] Thanks for linking a resisted past with an all-embracing future.
The energies being pulled along from the consciousness of the past and rippling out from the future, merging in the now.
Now showing everywhere.
For as long as I can remember I have projected much of my focus into the future. As I grew spiritually I moved from simply fantasizing about it, to using much discussed tools to create the reality I wanted, draw the future in, envisioning, preparing and so forth. All the while I struggled to balance this with living in the now. Yeah, I know… mega contradiction.
There was a time when I had a fair amount of attention on the past, getting stuck on old creations, but I managed to release that years ago. The future though still claimed me, that’s is until about one month ago. I managed to create the ideal future reality that was such a perfect reflection of “me” that it was tailor made. All the pieces were in place, ready to manifest in the now, but for those annoying little details that keep that-there from showing up in this-now.
There were signs all along that at the very least, this (as in ‘now’) is not the time for that particular reality to be. Then last month I was forced to face the facts that these realities were not going to intersect, not in this-now. The hammer fell, once, twice, and then again, that the “reality” of this-here and this-now was going to prevail. This was a very, very hard pill to swallow, as this future-now felt perfect-for-me (at least according to my ego-self). The final blow came the night before my birthday with devastating finality. The result for me was less depressing and more numbing–now what? [Interesting phrase, "NOW what?"] Exactly!
Since then I have been left floating in NOW what. Whenever any residual pull to projecting ahead tempts me, I feel the sting of rejection, for lack of a better word, so very profoundly, that I pull back out of sheer self-preservation–forced by my recent pain reflexes to back away from any attempts to project into a future — self-created or not. So the NOW has won — perhaps by default, perhaps through the wisdom of my Celestial Self whom I consciously chose to fully embody and put in charge of ‘my’ life just before the hammer banged my ideal future into the ground. (I realize I’m really mixing my metaphors here, but just go with it ;) )
I am comforted by the knowing that living in the NOW is truly the only way to LIVE — it’s just new for me, to feel cut off from that which has been my steady diet — a diet of creating, envisioning, and living in my head…
SIGH… For NOW, that is over.