Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Reminder to Self: Feeling Drained? Take it Literally!!

September 11, 2010 at 11:09 pm · Filed under Gifts, Personal Transitions and tagged: , , , , , ,

I don’t know how often I need to learn this lesson, but of course to lessen the self-recrimination, this 3D drama comprised a lot of “firsts” for me, so it is kind of understandable that I might not automatically think about being energetically ‘drained.’

After many months of deteriorating health complications post-cancer surgeries, my husband who stubbornly second guesses the doctors and at the same time tells me he’s not having surgery ever again, I finally arranged to bring him to the ER of the hospital where his surgeon operates out of.  He was admitted, found to have a massive infection, blocked and enlarged kidneys and bladder, and just a sordid mess. High drama, high emotion, heart-to-heart talks, he finally consents to another dreaded surgery. Whew.

So after months of watching him grow weaker and weaker, less and less capable of even the smallest things, dreading the surgery decision he will be forced to make, and terrified that he will stick to his promise to never do that again, I am at the brink of emotional collapse.

To reach a point where, with his permission and gratitude (!) I finally am in direct touch with 3 of 4 of his team of doctors, I am able to get a consensus that he needs to be hospitalized. After numerous phone calls, they finally agree on which hospital to bring him to, then I must take charge and tell him get up, we’re going to the ER–yes, now–certainly took a lot of my own energy reserves!

Energy Vampire

Getting him to see that the choices he’s been making over and over have consistently taken him on a road to declining health, and letting him know that I cannot fight for him any longer if he isn’t willing to choose health for himself–that I will just have to back off and contend with the heartache of watching him suffer and die. This ultimately left him to make a choice to live, and consent to surgery. It was equally important to me that he made the decision to have surgery, to choose health, for himself, not for me, which he did. He got all the questions answered that he needed, he had plenty of time before surgery to think about it and change his mind if he wished to. By the time surgery time came, he was begging to be knocked out because he could not take any more pain….oy! Not easy to be around.

So it’s easy to see with all this drama why I could just pass off my exhaustion on the tension, stress, adrenalin rushes, long hours, driving back and forth into the city, questions, conversations with multiple doctors, dealing with nurses, aides, family, friends, bills, and emotions, why no amount of sleep could reverse my exhaustion! After all, even though this hospital drama has been going on for 9-10 days, what has led to this has been going on for months.

DING, DING, DING, DING, DING!!

So this morning, once again waking up exhausted, it finally hit me: he’s draining my energy! OMG, of course! I couldn’t be angry; I wasn‘t angry. Of course he’d look to me for “strength.” People say and do that all the time, particularly at a time like this. When I realized that it wasn’t just my physical presence that he clung to, or my emotional strength and mental clarity he counted on, it was my energy he was feeding off of… well, now the bells were ringing loudly!

So right then and there I decided, no more! No one had my permission to leach my energy, not even my DH. I lay down and scanned my field clearing “cobwebs” and then proceeded to remove several tubes which were draining off energy. I then focused on rebuilding my own reserve until it was at full strength, and reinforcing my auric field with an intention that it was impenetrable to those who would consciously or unconsciously seek to tap into my energy field.

Despite previous experiences using these techniques, I was still shocked at the profoundly remarkable energetic transformation! For the first time in MONTHS I felt more like myself. I had more energy than I had, certainly since he’d been in the hospital, and likely for many months before that! So much so that after spending 5 hours with him, plus the driving back and forth, I still had enough energy to do a few errands!

Also very interesting for me was being able to sustain this protective energy shield without compromising the love and care that I would freely shower upon him. I was consciously aware at one point as I sat next to him and held his hand for a while as we both closed our eyes, that I would allow energy to pass from my hand to his, without having my whole system exposed.

So once again I make a note to self: “Self! If you are feeling drained… Stop the drain! You are allowing it. Recharge, reinforce and remember!”

Maybe next time it wouldn’t take me quite so long…one can hope! LOL.

8 Comments»

  helena wrote @ September 12, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Bless you, that is just wonderful. I think there were peripheral drains too. You do not need to use the energy of others, or be a drain on them either. You have all the energy you need. Your decisions sound great,. even if you have leraned this befofre, time and time again. Each time we advance it and are less apt to lose it again. More power to you, your own power. Love to you, You have been in my prayers, and so has your husband. He was so aftraid. Sometime peopl.e can get in a frame of ;mind where they would rather die. He came though this well, and I would expect the surgery and recovery to go in the best way possilbe. Love, Helena

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  shamballa9944 wrote @ September 12, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Thank you so much Helena, not only for the prayers, but also for the encouragement and confirmation of my inner knowing!

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  slowvelder wrote @ September 15, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Shamballa – my thoughts are with you in this difficult time. i am glad you have a way to protect your energy because you need it now. I need to learn to do what you did.

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  tasinator wrote @ September 16, 2010 at 7:24 am

Hugs and prayers, friend. I hope the situation continues to flow in a positive way. 😉

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  helenaack wrote @ September 16, 2010 at 1:22 pm

I am glad to read other comments. I did something to the same results, but in a totally different way. I also, was left with an inner knowing about it being done, but I had never done this before, nor ever again. It was one of a kind. Yet, the general idea of what to do or how to to it was something I had heard of before.

I do want to say, we need to respect and be willing to use our own energy and power, as we also need to respect the energy and power of anyone else. We have enough, and so do others, without using other people with or without their cooperation. So much can be drained from us, because we are willing to give it. But, it is extremely unhealthy for anyone to try to own someone else, to expect their energy is there to use as their own. To do so controls and manipulates others, as if it is necessary and right. But, at the same time, they are proving to themselves that they do not have their own energy for health, or for what they want out of life, but have to get it through others. It is always bad for both people. It is worse for the one using someone else’s energy than for the one so used.

Sylvia, I see you saving him by getting him to make his own decision, asking for help, and being thankful to receive it. You did much more FOR him, and it was of much benefit to you as well. He has probably wanted or needed much from you, but resented it, and never would thank you for it. You have given something back to him, that he had tried to expect from you.
To Slowvelder, wondering how to do what Sylvia did. I believe it is not a system that works, but a general idea that works differently every time, and for each person.

I put up a psychic mirror, because the energy was like an attack on my family, as if to have me and my energy taken and used as if I was obligated to give it, after having perhaps given it freely, but I had no idea where this attempt was coming from or why. I needed to protect myself, but my family too. In my case, I was willing to be isolated from whatever claim was being made on me, even though it was from outside of my family. Not to let someone or something get at them because of me.
It worked.

But, it was later that a man I had been writing to, a psychic, told me that he had fought a man, whom he saw to be another psychic, who wanted to “come between us”, and the other man “clobbered him”. I told him it was my family who was attacked, and I had no idea why the attack, or from whom. I said, I put up a mirror, and reflected back the attacking energy, and had no idea it might have been from him.

It is laughable now, but this was in 1962, I am 85 now, and he told me no woman could have fought back like that. But, it was only his own energy sent back to him. With his intention of placing a claim on me.

Still as a result, I ended whatever claim, or drain, or assumed obligation that he was trying to place on me, and I began to see the need for each person to value their own energies, and to respect those of others. Our family did better after that. I could give, and not be held to be obligated.

It is spiritual energy and power, which is behind even our health.

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  shamballa9944 wrote @ September 16, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Thank you Helena. I think the whole things is made harder because so often it is through people you care about. I can so related to the need to: “…give, and not be held to be obligated.”

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  helenaack wrote @ September 17, 2010 at 1:07 pm

I can see more in this for me, because I kept the family within the protection from an outside drain on me. But, not if it came from them, again, I was willing to give it. But, I could be held to be obligated. Only from my immediate family, but I can see the different ways things were.

But, it raises a question I need to consider here. I know each person is better off to be able to offer, but give freely. Not to obligate or to be obligated.

That seems to be the hardest of all, to let go when they really have a tie, a hold, a way you seem to be responsible and obligated, when they still really need to be themselves, and free to relate back accordingly. I am thinking about that.

We see so many relationships end in a break up, and cutting ties, when they wanted to give, but not be held to owe it to someone to keep on giving. It has to be reciprocal, not a drain on one for another who is losing sight of their own self confidence and power. That is a little like enabling them.

But, it would be so very hard to let go.

I still marvel at how well you did this.

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  Rina wrote @ September 18, 2010 at 2:27 am

Im so happy that you recognised this within yourself and could fix it.
Thinking of you both and sending you love & light.
xx

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