Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Under Attack – Part 1

It seems everyone is feeling under attack in one way or another. Whether it’s because they were fired, have lost their life’s savings or because the world we were born into has changed completely and, some might say, irreparably.

My Dad is under attack from his own emotional make up and his body, my mom from her awareness that everything she tries to control is in fact beyond her control.

For me it comes from the very purpose I am living out at this moment in time, working were I work, with and around the people I do, challenged to the hilt to remain calm in the center of chaos, under energetic attack. Shortly after I accept this job last May, but before I started, it occurred to me that this job  would place me in the center of the action, with people likely coming at me from all directions. Not exactly ideal for an introvert!

Many who know me might be surprised to know that I am in fact an introvert, as I like to talk, I like people, enjoy working with others and so forth. However doing so, especially in larger numbers, takes an energetic toll on me, which can only be replenished by going within and spending time alone.

So I have stepped up to the challenge, over and over again. As I became able to tolerate the dissonant energies of competing demands of others, while still needing to focus on producing work and staying above the fray, I’ve encounter thresholds that have tested my capacity to remain calm, patient and kind. These last two, patience and kindness, seem to have become lynch pins of late.

While the point of overwhelm has shifted repeatedly, with me being able to handle more and more chaos before reaching my limit, when I do so, it still looks and feels the same:  irritation and impatience. And those that trigger me most are those who are insensitive to others–those who can’t see that someone (me) is inundated and moderate their expectations.

Add to this a boss who comes from a perspective that we must always treat everyone with “kindness” (despite the fact I have seen her treat a number of others very bluntly, as in “unkind.”) Why? Ultimately, because they might be future donors. Because no matter how they treat others, clients or staff, no matter how they take advantage, they should be kowtowed to.

Well, having grown up in a family where boundaries were virtually non-existent and having worked very hard to learn to set and defend them, all this kowtowing is in direct contradiction to what I know I need to do, to maintain my sanity and self-worth.

So here I am, working in a job I (usually) love, helping others–held in high esteem, yet under attack for being who I am.

So I question and doubt, is there more I can do, more I should do? Is it possible to defend my boundaries and always, ALWAYS, be patient and kind?

Perhaps, but for right now at least, I don’t believe I’ve achieved that level of enlightenment.

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2 Comments»

  tasinator wrote @

Your situation resonates with me completely. So, from one who is also learning patience, I offer one word–breathe. 😉

  shamballa9944 wrote @

Thanks, I’ve been hearing that word a lot lately 😉


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