Exquisite Transitions

Exploring the opportunities and gifts of changing times

Beyond the Void

Some transitions seem to take the familiar pattern of 2 or 3 steps forward, 1 step back, until you have arrived at a new way of being. It seems to me this is true when the transition is of a new behavior or attitude.

Other transitions seem to be so immense in their scope where there truly is no possibility of stepping back, that people struggle so much more. Perhaps because they are attempting to adapt this familiar pattern, not recognizing that this transition is about leaping into an unknown–the void.

The unknown is daunting. Terrifying even. And many react to this by creating scenarios that attempt to replicate “the past.”  What seems to be different at this time however is that, for many, even the attempts to replicate anything remotely like that past is met with a clear, resounding ‘No’ from the Universe. Not now. Not again. It’s over. The unknown. What now? What next? Terrifying.

Standing at the Edge of the Unknown

I encountered this same irreversible transition 10 years ago, when I woke from what was to have been a relatively simple surgery to a total hysterectomy. While dealing with a cancer diagnosis was difficult and scary, what took much longer to work through was the thought that I would never have children.

I guess for me the looking back was really a looking forward. I had always assumed that a family with children would be part of my life. That I would be a mother. I planned it. I expected it. I saw it… And now, that expectation, that view of myself was irreversibly shutdown.

I tried to resurrect the vision by pressing my husband to adopt.  I had known from early on in our relationship that he did not feel capable of adopting. I couldn’t understand this, struggled with it, but I ultimately had to accept his choice. And my loss.

When I finally accepted that this door was locked shut, never to be opened again, all those questions had to be felt…and the answers, were very slow in coming. There’s no script. The script is void. The script was written about a past which is behind and done.

So much of what people face these days are just such complete and final transitions. This is what is making it so very difficult. We tend to think of a ‘final transition’ as death (which in and of itself is debatable, but that’s another post for another time).

I suspect that is what makes the transitions pervasive today so very difficult. Too often people do not recognize the death of a piece of themselves, of their life. They do, and they don’t. They feel the immense loss, but they cannot equate it fully to death. This is why they keep trying to breathe life back into a corpse.

To get beyond the void you must face it. And before you can face the void, you must accept the death of the past, fully and completely, and experience all emotions that go with it.

Only then can you honor the past and all it brought you, the gift that it was, and begin to move forward into the void, to see what lies beyond it.

A New Dawn, A New Day, A New Life

1 Comment»

  slowvelder wrote @

Awesome post – so much said. This all can take a long long time, sometimes almost a life time to get done- especially when one is not really aware of what they are struggling with. I think that many don’t even identify the issue – and thats just sad.

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